Monday, August 30, 2010

Personal Post - FYI

So I haven't posted anything in a week, time sure does fly. Been kinda emotional for me so sometimes when I get this way I tend to just shut down for lack of too many things going on in my head lol.

Today Elias starts his class at LeMoyne. He is only a senior in High School this year but because he goes to a Catholic School that is affiliated with LeMoyne College, and since he's been in honors classes since he was in 7th grade and has completed the required Senior classes he is able to take a class at LeMoyne, instead of the AP class. He had his choice of what class he wanted to take as long as it was a College Freshman class so he choose calculus. He's really good in math and he is taking AP Physics this year with the teacher he had from last year's regular Physics course. So anyways I've been feeling kinda, sad at the fact that he is actually growing up and I only have him really at home for one more year that I know will just fly by.

I kind of feel like now my life has no real purpose. I know stupid, but it's like for the past 17 years, especially being a single mom, I feel I've spent all this time doing what I had to for Elias. Working sometimes 3 jobs to make ends meet, and running him to practice because there was never a dad there to help out, and now it's like he doesn't need me anymore. So what will I do now with all this extra time, haha I know scrapbook : ). But seriously, I never really thought I'd feel like this and it's really hitting me hard. I mean I was not the mom that cried when he went to his first day of Kindergarten I was excited for him and happy that we were done with daycare's! I didn't get teary eyed when he went to high school because it was just the next step and he was so excited about it.

Saturday he went to orientation at LeMoyne and of course they said that they encourage the kids to go alone not with their parents so he did, and he came back so excited and all these things to tell me, and I was happy and am happy for him. But I'm sad for me, ok so a little self pity we are all allowed once in awhile aren't we? It's just so weird because I really truly never thought that I would have these emotions. Dan and I went to the beach Saturday afternoon and just walking along the sand brought back memories of bringing Elias to the beach, and when we first got our camp, and all those happy memories that he and I have created over the years together. It's a real wake up call that has me feeling a little purposeless in life. I know I will get over it, and I am so very proud of him that he has done well enough to have this opportunity, and is taking full advantage of it.

I've been really inspired lately by Donna Downey's inspiration Wednesday's video and have been watching ones in the past and just her inspiration journal.

I've been taking time and scrapbooking some memories of Elias that I just don't want to forget, with a LOT more journaling that I ever do! I will hopefully post some layouts tonight to share with you.

Thanks for letting me share this post with all of you.

Be back tonight with a much happier post I promise : )


  1. I totally "hear" you..just dropped my youngest of 4 kids at a college out of town- (very far)- it is tough and I thought it would get easier- course..I am NOT getting older! ha ha! THAT is why we are both "PUG crazy"!! lol...I NEED another one.... hang in there!

  2. Awww thanks Jane, haha I know I think the pugs are saving me :), they will always be "needy" haha!!!